screenwriting

notes on notes

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:49:00 +0000

A big part of the process of being a screenwriter is that of sending your screenplay to others so they may read it. In return, you should expect those to whom you send your masterpiece to offer suggestions and ideas that may or may not improve your story. You will receive them whether wanted or not. You have no choice. These unsolicited ideas and suggestions are known in the industry as notes or coverage. Your reaction to the notes is directly related to confidence you have in your ability and mastery of the craft, as well as your position on the screenwriting ladder of success: lower rungs - arrogant dismissal; higher up - polite consideration. In either case you are under no obligation to incorporate them, but a polite reply should be your minimum.

As an example, I offered to read the script of an aspiring screenwriter. An amateur who has neither sold a screenplay nor had one produced. I informed the writer that I too was a novice and could offer nothing constructive, but, despite my non-interest in the genre, would definitely be interested in reading it. I received the script. Although the premise was simple, in a good way, and its execution as a story was fine, there were a couple of typos, and what I thought to be a flaw in the logic. As a kind gesture, I drew attention to the typos and questioned the other. I was promptly told that notes were not wanted on typos or anything else. The script is finished. Is that right? I'm sure they wouldn't constitute a deal-breaker, but for a script labeled 'ready to go' one should think the writer wanting it to be perfect in every way, regardless of the nature of the infraction. The thought that this piece of work is so amazing, the writer so brilliant, that no further work is necessary, that advice, especially from lower rungs, is neither warranted nor acceptable, well you get my point. I can only imagine the gushing and ass kissing if the Wite-Out belonged to Dreamworks.

On the other hand, I received another script, also from an amateur, but one who has actually had his screenplay accepted into competitions at high profile film festivals. I read it. It was a pleasurable read free and clear of typos and spelling mistakes. It was good and I told the writer so, but I was curious about something. The response? A willingness to address the comments and questions, and a thank-you for reading that ended with, 'It could stand some more work; you never really finish these things...' . Gracious and polite and humble. You see what I mean?

Here's a couple from the highest rungs:

2009 Academy Award Winners

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:31:00 +0000

Original Screenplay

Adapted Screenplay

2009 wga winners

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Original Screenplay

Adapted Screenplay

2009 oscar nominees

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:32:00 +0000

Original Screenplay

In Bruges - by martin mcdonagh

Adapted Screenplay

breaking down babel

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:27:00 +0000

My motivation for watching any movie is derived from a desire to be entertained, and in some cases educated. I'm not intelligent enough to analyze films for hidden meaning, social implications, or representations of type that may or may not have been intended by the writer. I am intrigued by those who can. Not doubting at all, but aware of analyses of my own work by instructors who found deeper meaning and greater substance that neither existed nor was intended; unless specifically acknowledged by the author I consider it opinion.

And so it will be with this analysis: simply a novice screenwriter breaking down the screenplay for the sole purpose of learning its structure and pacing.

There are indeed four stories and in a nutshell they are:
1. Young Moroccan brothers, Yussef and Ahmed, are given a rifle by their father in order to kill the jackals that hunt their goat herd. The boys, for fun and wanting to test the rifle, shoot at things in the distance.
2. Richard and Susan are on a bus tour of Northern Africa. As the bus travels along a desert road, the brothers, high above, take aim on the bus (simply to see if the gun will shoot that far) and Susan, sitting by the window, is hit.
3. Amelia, Richard and Susan's nanny, is back home in L.A. looking after their children while they are on vacation. The nanny, expecting to be at her son's wedding, is told about the accident by Richard's sister-in-law whom he had already contacted to arrange for someone else to look after the children on that day. Unfortunately, no-one could be found, so Amelia takes the children to her son's wedding across the border in Mexico.
And,
4. We get a glimpse into a day in the life of sixteen year old Japanese schoolgirl, Cheiko. She is deaf and overtly flirtatious. We follow Cheiko through the afternoon and evening, at which time we are introduced to Kenji, a Tokyo detective who wishes to ask Cheiko's father about a rifle that belonged to him at one time and is now a key element in an international incident.

Four stories, each with a common thread tying one to the other.

Of interest were the sequences. The inclusion of the page numbers only serves as a guide and really offers nothing other than it appears that each scene sequence generally runs between 4-7 pages:

kids shoot bus - pp 1-7
nanny tries to find replacement - pp 8-14
(earlier)tour group at moroccan restaurant/bus gets shot - pp 15-19
cheiko plays volleyball - pp 20-24
moroccan kids scared at home - pp 25-29
nanny takes kids across border to mexican town - pp 30-33
richard takes susan and tourists to small town for help - pp 34-47
cheiko at dentist/at apartment - pp 48-52
moroccan kids confess to dad - pp 53-57
mexican wedding party - pp 58-62
dr. stitches up susan/tourist give time ultimatum - pp 63-70
cheiko and pal get high and go to club - pp 71-73
moroccan kids and dad are chased by police - pp 73-78
nanny and kids at wedding party/leave/cross border/run - pp 79-86
richard on phone to US trying to get help/tourist bus leaves - pp 87-93
cheiko tries to seduce cop - pp 94-97
moroccan kids in gunfight/dead - pp 97-100
nanny and kids walk through desert - pp 100-107
richard comforts susan/chopper coming - pp 107-112
nanny caught/deported pp 113-115
richard and susan choppered to hospital/call to nanny(from beginning) - pp 116-118
detective asks about gun(gave it to moroccan hunting guide)/news of shooting on bar tv/cheiko and dad at apartment - pp 119-123

And, until sequence 16 (Act3 or thereabout), followed a repeating pattern of:

morrocan story
nanny's story
richard and susan's story
cheiko's story

I then looked at each of the stories individually:
Yussef and Ahmed

moroccan kids shoot bus - pp 1-7
moroccan kids scared at home - pp 25-29
moroccan kids confess to dad - pp 53-57
moroccan kids and dad are chased by police - pp 73-78
moroccan kids in gunfight/dead - pp 97-100

Amelia

nanny tries to find replacement - pp 8-14
nanny takes kids across border to mexican town - pp 30-33
mexican wedding party - pp 58-62
nanny and kids at wedding party/leave/cross border/run - pp 79-86
nanny and kids walk through desert - pp 100-107
nanny caught/deported pp 113-115

Richard and Susan

(earlier)richard and susan at moroccan restaurant/bus gets shot - pp 15-19
richard takes susan and tourists to small town for help - pp 34-47
dr. stitches up susan/tourist give time ultimatum - pp 63-70
richard on phone to US trying to get help/tourist bus leaves - pp 87-93
richard comforts susan/chopper coming - pp 107-112
choppered to hospital/call to nanny(from beginning) - pp 116-118

Cheiko

cheiko plays volleyball - pp 20-24
cheiko at dentist/at apartment - pp 48-52
cheiko and pal get high and go to club - pp 71-73
cheiko tries to seduce cop - pp 94-97
detective asks about gun(gave it to moroccan hunting guide)/news of shooting on bar tv/cheiko and dad at apartment - pp 119-123

It's obvious that each one of these stands as a complete story on it's own and could easily be four short films by themselves. Which got me wondering if Arriaga did in fact write each one first then cut them together. It turns out, in an interview from The Writers Guild Foundation's series Writers On Writing: Anatomy Of A Script, he provides an answer.

Creative Screenwriting Magazine's Senior Editor, Jeff Goldsmith, has another great full length interview with Guillermo Arriaga after a screening of Babel.

The lesson here may not have any value to anyone else. Perhaps, in time, my coverage may become more substantive and in-depth, but for now this is how I see it. I found the exercise worthwhile and beneficial, and one which I will definitely repeat it as I move forward.

Babel is a particularly good movie; a direct consequence of a particularly good script. I could only hope to write a screenplay as elegantly simple and intelligent.

2009 wga nominees

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 01:36:00 +0000

Original Screenplay

Adapted Screenplay

and who shall i say is calling?

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 02:38:00 +0000

My wife is an influential person in the modeling business. She is not an agent nor does she work at an agency, but she does count the premier modeling agencies in LA and New York as her clients. There's no way you'd know her name and consequently wouldn't recognize her if she was standing beside you, but you would certainly recognize at least one or two of the people she has represented. Several have gone from the high fashion runways of New York and Paris and the pages of Vogue and Elle to TV and movies.

During the course of her twenty-plus years in the business she has developed relationships with agents, producers, and other people of influence, not only in the modeling agency world but in the talent agency world as well, including those that represent writers. It no doubt affords me some advantage, however it doesn't guarantee anything.

When the time is right I will most certainly abuse my good fortune and privilege, but despite having a major deal maker in my corner, it's my script that will have to do all the talking.

Here are two that say a whole lot:

something to think about before you begin

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:42:00 +0000

Before you write your screenplay you should have a logline. A logline is a concise synopsis of your story. It's the it's about. The thing you say after the "what?" You know what I mean; you're having a conversation with someone, and out of the blue and apropos of nothing you interrupt with, "I'm writing a screenplay", and she says with bewilderment, "what?" Well, right after that when you continue with, "Yeah, I don't think it's been done before. It's about..." Right there. That bit. After "it's about". What you say next, that's the logline (the act of saying your logline out loud in public is called 'the pitch' or 'pitching'). Now, there are debates over its concision, but generally it must follow the pre-determined format of a something someone or something in a something situation must do something to someone or something to change someone or the something situation to something different than the someone or something before something else happens.

Once you've got that down, or something like it, you are then permitted to start.

Here are a couple of examples with corresponding scripts:

for what it's worth

millarprescott@suppositoreum.com (millar prescott) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 01:35:00 +0000

About a year ago I decided to write a screenplay, or more accurately, I decided to look into what it takes to write one, and it didn't take long to find some great websites and blogs on screenwriting:

I bought a few of the 'must-read' books on the subject:

As well as subscriptions to magazines:

Along with a couple of podcasts:

I also took online classes at UCLA Extension:

And signed up for two more that start in January 09:

I read a bunch of screenplays and became a member in good standing of Cineworks Independent Filmmakers Society

It's taken a year, and only after all that 'research' have I finally started my screenplay. I'm definitely enjoying the process and I thought I'd share what I've found to be most helpful thus far:

the rouge wave - the blog
Story - the book
Script - the magazine
Getting It Write: Writing the Story before Writing the Script - the course
Creative Screenwriting Magazine - the podcast

I've only just begun and there's a long way to go. Stay tuned.